Undercontrolled vs Overcontrolled

What does control have to do with it?

Families familiar with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) understand its effectiveness in managing emotional dysregulation, particularly for loved ones with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). However, fewer families are familiar with Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RODBT), a complementary approach especially beneficial for addressing emotional overcontrol—a pattern sometimes observed in individuals with BPD and in some types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) who may present as overcontrolled in public yet undercontrolled at home.

Undercontrolled coping, is characterized by emotional dysregulation, interpersonal instability, and impulsive behavior (such as self-cutting, binge eating, or unfiltered verbal reactions.) This is a result of high threat sensitivity, high reward sensitivity, and low effortful control. DBT therapists practice validation, and emphasize emotional clarity and structured responses to manage intense emotional episodes effectively.

Maladaptive overcontrol (OC) is characterized by inhibited expression, risk-avoidance, emotional constraint in public, hyper-detail-focused processing, and aloof or socially withdrawn behavior. The biggest complaint of people with OC behaviors is loneliness. OC tendencies emerge from the combination of high threat sensitivity, low reward sensitivity, high detail-focused processing, and high effortful control. It Therapists practicing RODBT practice humility and emotional openness. They prioritize vulnerability, flexibility, and adaptability to reduce emotional rigidity and isolation.

Understanding both DBT and RODBT enables families to respond more adaptively, even when their loved one exhibits overcontrolled behaviors only in public and undercontrolled behaviors only in private. The columns below summarizes the two tendencies:

Undercontrolled Coping

Characteristics

Emotional dysregulation

Interpersonal instability

Impulsive behavior

________________

Underlying Neurology

High threat sensitivity

High reward sensitivity

Low effortful control.

________________

Skills Training for:

Validation

Structured, accurate verbal responses

Radical acceptance

Wise Mind

Overcontrolled Coping

Characteristics

Inhibited expression

Risk avoidance

Aloof or socially withdrawn

Hyper-detailed focus

________________

Underlying Neurology

High threat sensitivity

High reward sensitivity

Low effortful control.

________________

Skills Training for

Prosocial nonverbal communication

Intellectual humility

Radical openness

Self-Inquiry

Quick Overview: DBT

Developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, DBT balances acceptance and change, targeting emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and relational conflict through structured skills. DBT Skills Include the following modules: Mindfulness, Emotion Regulation, Distress Tolerance, and Interpersonal Effectiveness

Introduction to RODBT

Radically Open DBT, created by Dr. Thomas Lynch, addresses emotional overcontrol—marked by rigidity, suppressed emotions, perfectionism, and social withdrawal. This approach can be helpful for families dealing with individuals who tend toward overcontrol patterns of behaviors in general OR who alternate between emotional overcontrol in public and emotional "leakage" at home in private. RODBT Skills Include:

• Radical Openness: Being open to new experiences, acknowledging unwanted emotions, and practicing self-inquiry to learn from distress.

• Social Signaling: Enhancing trust and social connection through improved verbal and nonverbal communication.

• Flexible Responding: Approaching unexpected situations with openness and curiosity, and responding with intellectual humility.

Effective Family Strategies

Effective family strategies draw directly from the principles and techniques therapists utilize in administering DBT and RODBT treatments. For example:

DBT Validation

To respond effectively to emotional dysregulation and impulsivity you could:

• Actively listen without immediate problem-solving.

• Explicitly recognize and affirm emotional experiences ("I understand you're feeling overwhelmed.").

• Promote mindful acknowledgment of emotions.

Validation Example:

• Loved one: "I feel so alone, and no one understands me."

• Response: "It sounds deeply painful to feel misunderstood. I'm here for you."

RODBT Inquiry

To respond effectively to emotional inhibition, avoidance, and rigidity you might try to:

• Encourage openness about feelings, even difficult ones, by example and by inquiry.

• Model calm adaptability to unexpected changes.

• Foster emotional transparency (yours and your loved one) to build trust and relational closeness.

RO Inquiry Examples:

• Loved one: (visibly withdrawn or emotionally rigid)

• Response: "I noticed that you didn't say hello when you got home. Is everything okay? How are you feeling?" (No response.) "It's okay if you're not in the mood to talk. If you feel like talking later, I'm here for you."

• Model emotional openness: "I feel sad when I see you like this. If you feel like talking later, I would like that. Maybe we would both feel better if you shared what is on your mind."

Encouraging Insight and Healthy Behaviors

An introductory online class to help family members understand disorders of overcontrol and the orientation and principles of RO DBT starts July 2. You will learn strategies from RO DBT to help you communicate with flexibility and openness and invite your loved to engage in more self-reflection. Classes will be available to review online if you cannot attend.

MORE INFO

Integrating DBT’s validation with RODBT’s inquiry provides families with powerful tools to foster healthier, more resilient relationships, addressing both undercontrolled and overcontrolled patterns effectively.