FAMILY & INDIVIDUAL COACHING

The holidays have a way of showing us how quickly old patterns return. We can react not to what is happening now, but to years of past experiences. We hope for connection, kindness, or understanding—and feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned. Even people with years of meditation practice, advanced social and emotional skills, or decades of experience in family psychology can find themselves angry, hurt, or exhausted during their own family gatherings. We may arrive

What does control have to do with it? Families familiar with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) understand its effectiveness in managing emotional dysregulation, particularly for loved ones with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). However, fewer families are familiar with Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RODBT), a complementary approach especially beneficial for addressing emotional overcontrol—a pattern sometimes observed in individuals with BPD and in some t

Arguably one of the most important life skills in DBT! Emotional regulation includes a whole set of skills and which we choose depends upon the situation. First each skill has to be understood and practiced separately. In a short series of articles, I will break the emotional regulation skills down into manageable pieces. In the 12-week workshop, we learned about the function of emotions and the components of emotions. We learned the basics of how to observe and describe emot

Does the emotion fit the facts? Emotions can trigger thoughts and interpretations about events and they can distort our perception, which in turn can increase the intensity of the emotion. It is so easy to be judgmental, critical, or to make distorted interpretations about an incident when we are in emotional mind. Emotions can hijack our thinking and we don't even realize it. Beliefs about a situation that are faulty or extreme are often tied into emotional escalation and ev

If we can change the emotion by solving the problem, then first solve the problem! Problem solving is an emotional regulation strategy when: 1) a problem is what triggers an emotional reaction, and 2) the problem can be resolved. If the emotion is too intense to go into problem solving mode, then distress tolerance, self-soothing, self-validation, or other acceptance strategies are probably necessary as a first step. However, when an unwanted emotion fits the facts and the fa

Opposite action is more than a skill. It is a philosophy of life. Like dialectics or radical acceptance or mindfulness, this is a DBT skill that we can learn through exercises, but then it becomes a lifetime practice to apply over and over again. The potency, the fluidity, the nuance, and the subtlety of this skill takes time and practice to fully appreciate. Opposite action is doing just the opposite of what our impulsive urges or cravings are telling us to do . It is like g

Now we have three strategies for regulating emotions: Checking the Facts, Opposite Action, and Problem Solving, (not to mention Mindfulness.) HOW DO WE DECIDE WHICH STRATEGY TO USE? Method 1: Identify the emotion that you are experiencing and the context in which arose. Then go to the flow chart on the right. Ask yourself, Does this emotion fit the facts? You can check the facts and see if the emotion is the result of your thoughts and interpretations or if it is justified b

What is mentalizing? Good mentalizing is inquiring deeply into understanding the mental experiences of self or other. It is trying to...

(But let's not give up the goal of getting your loved one into treatment!) Reviews of psychotherapy treatment outcome studies show that:...

FAMILIES! If you have a loved one who needs to be right, who is intolerant of different perspectives, who is often rigid and wants to...

MYTH: You CAN’T talk about it. Talking about suicide or asking someone if they feel suicidal will encourage suicide attempts. FACT:...

"Cheat sheets" to help identify what you are feeling!

When Marsha Linehan, PhD, developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in the 1980s, she originally intended it to be used for treating...

Inquisitive and not-knowing

Dogs are the second best mentalizers, right after humans! 😉

Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT) was developed as a treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder by Bateman and Fonagy in the U.K.

The importance of rest and sleep cannot be underestimated. Lack of alertness, impaired memory, increased vulnerability to emotional...

Polemic: (definition)

No matter how rough things are for you right now…Especially if it seems like there’s no end to your difficulties…You deserve relief. When...

This is an essential DBT Skill!